I sat looking at her photographs. She was so beautiful she took my breath away. As if someone had punched me in the stomach. Pushing the laptop away, i hung my head in my hands and sat. Great sobs shook my body, as i cried. Tears that seemed to come from my very soul. "Take this, and don't be a sissy." The voice was harsh, even as it's owner proffered a tissue. "Every girl looks like an actress these days, with the right make up. Your wife is much prettier. " That was it. The dam within me burst. "But she's not the love of my life. Only Minnie will ever be that, " I shouted. " I loved her, don't you understand! I loved her! Like i never will love anyone else again. Ever! She was my soul, she was everything that was lovely and wonderful about my life. You took that away from me! You ! I hope you are happy now. Now that you've robbed me of my happiness forever." She shrank from me as if i'd hit her. Then held out her arms beseechingly, "I only wanted your happiness, son. All i ever wanted was for you to be happy. I'm your mom, for God's sake. " The door rattled shut as i strode out of it. Yes, she was my mom, and i loved her, or else i would have struck her.
I had always been a good son. Maybe too good. But for the life of me, i couldn't hurt her feelings, even when i was a child. My upbringing had been good. I had had the best of everything, being the only child, i had been pampered even. The bond between my mother and me had been strong, though she was too domineering at times. The rebellion struck when i entered my teens. I stood my ground even as she tried her best to persuade my dad to stop me from going abroad for studies. " You'll lose him for sure. Who will take over your business ?" she tried to reason with him. For once, both of us were united and i left for the U S of A, for my masters.
Heady years, the best of my life, followed. From a callow youth, i grew into a man. My roomies, brutal as they were, taught me to stand on my own. For the first time in my life, i was getting my own meals, doing my washing, vacuuming my room and in spite of it all, i was loving it.
The party was for Christmas. I saw her as soon as she entered. The room seemed to light up with her presence. Tall, lithe,with long black hair flowing down her back, she was very striking. But it was her effervescent personality that had all the boys flocking towards her. For one of the dances, we were blindfolded by the girls, and had to choose our partners by touch. By some strange miracle, I tagged her. We never looked back. From the beginning she drew out the best in me. I found myself making scintillating conversation, dancing as i hadn't ever before. She was my cousin's bestie, and we soon became inseparable. However, it was a long distance relationship. She came from across the border, from Canada, where she studied. I was still bound to the states and with her in my life, deeply committed to my studies, as i started thinking about a future with her.
The day I graduated, I gave my parents the news. I was going to look for a job in the states, and that i was going to marry her. Which news instantly brought my parents on a long overdue visit to the States. Of course mom was reluctant about giving her consent. "Isn't she too dominating ?' to which my dad scoffed, " Huh ! Pot calling the kettle black" and a sly, " I married you didn't I !" But she knew when to acknowledge defeat and gave in. It was my turn to go meet Minnie's dad. Before me, he had been 'the' man in her life, and I was nervous. When her parents saw how much we loved each other, nothing else mattered to them, and so we were engaged, to be married. We decided we would settle in Canada, if I couldn't get a job in the States, what with the recession having hit us hard, and jobs being hard to get.
Meanwhile we were separated again. There i was completing my masters, while she was working, both of us full of plans and in touch any which way we could, be it cells, emails, skype. My visas were expiring though and i had to return to India. We both dreaded the fast approaching deadline and tried to spend every holiday together before i left. I did return, eventually but with the promise of fast rejoining her.
The cacaphony of Indian shores, the return to the easy way of life was morbid enough. Some days the distance between us seemed overwhelming. Six months more, and she would be able to apply for citizenship. Then we could marry and I could migrate. The dates were fixed, i could hardly contain my happiness. Her mom was flying down to be with her, to spend some quality time with her daughter before the marriage.
The next weekend they were supposed to go to the Niagara falls. Before that, she was going to a sleepover at a friends place. I was going trekking with my friends, to Leh. For the next week we were going to be incommunicado. I returned exhausted. It was almost midnight, and so I tried to enter the home quietly. Strange that the lights were on. Mum was sitting on the sofa. Dad was pacing. "Sit down son. There's been an accident." Dad's voice sounded grim. Minnie's friend had taken a wrong turn. The suv coming from the right had hit the car head on. The passenger side, where she had been sitting, took the impact head on. As the legs beneath me gave way, my one thought was that I had to be with her, I had to see her. "You can't. Not just now. She's critical. Her mum stressed that you stay away. At least until things improve. She's unconscious, anyway. Her lungs are punctured, ribs broken, and she has multiple fractures, which may never heal. " The next few days went by in limbo. I now knew the meaning of 'living dead.' She was in that state physically, i mentally. I had a nervous breakdown, and was mercifully kept in sedation for the next few days. My pillar of strength was my mother. She looked after me as if i was a baby. She fed me with her own hands, slept on a cot in my room.
A week later i mustered the strength to call. Her mother, for some reason, disconnected the line. Strangely, that kept happening, until i was ready to explode. Now i was determined to fly out. "No." They don't want you there." Mum kept reiterating. Disbelievingly, i shook my head, "Why on earth ? " Mother took my hand in hers. "She may not walk again. Ever. She dosen't want to see you. Her parents believe that seeing you would only add to her trauma. For her sake, don't go there." Tortured, broken, i somehow lived thru the next few months.
I heard that she was in rehabilitation. I told myself that she probably hated me by now. How could i ever face her again ? What kind of a coward was I ? In my mind's eye, I saw her, sitting on a wheel chair, not wanting to face me. But I knew i'd do the same had i been in her place. Agonised, tortured, I stayed away, though I yearned to be with her.
Six months flew by in a haze of pain. It was then that i met my cousin, Minnie's best friend. I met her at a friends' place. As i hurried to greet her, she turned away, almost in disgust. "How's Minnie, tell me! You have to tell me !" I demanded of her. "She turned to face me then, thru clenched lips she retorted, " You ! You B......! How dare you ask me that. After what you did to her, how can you stand there and take her name, even. " Over the next few days, I pleaded with her to explain. She told me the facts. Mum had called her parents, after the accident, telling them that it would be best if I didn't see her. That I was in shock, too and had had a nervous breakdown. She told them that since marriage for Minnie was an impossibility now, there was no point in her having an emotional breakdown, which was possible if she saw me. She told them that she was breaking the engagement on my behalf. I tried to call her, but it was too late. Her mum wouldn't pick up the phone. I couldn't find the courage, within me to go face her. Rani was a childhood friend, recently orphaned. She needed me and I needed sanity in my tortured existence.She was kind enough to marry me, though she knew about the tragedy of my former relationship. She made me make peace with my mom. But I never forgave her for all that both Minnie and I suffered.
Three years had gone by. I heard that she had overcome her disability with aggressive rehabilitation. Aqua therapy had wrought a miracle. She was able to walk. Supporting her like a rock, was her mom and an old friend in Canada. Someone who had always loved her, and was now marrying her.
I slunk back to the lap top. There she was, bedecked in bridal attire. She looked at me, serene, happy, deeply in love, from the photo. The title of the photo ? 'For better and for worse.' She deserved him, he deserved her. From the deep sadness within me, the tortured recesses of my mind there arose a spark of happiness for her. At least one of us was at peace.
I had always been a good son. Maybe too good. But for the life of me, i couldn't hurt her feelings, even when i was a child. My upbringing had been good. I had had the best of everything, being the only child, i had been pampered even. The bond between my mother and me had been strong, though she was too domineering at times. The rebellion struck when i entered my teens. I stood my ground even as she tried her best to persuade my dad to stop me from going abroad for studies. " You'll lose him for sure. Who will take over your business ?" she tried to reason with him. For once, both of us were united and i left for the U S of A, for my masters.
Heady years, the best of my life, followed. From a callow youth, i grew into a man. My roomies, brutal as they were, taught me to stand on my own. For the first time in my life, i was getting my own meals, doing my washing, vacuuming my room and in spite of it all, i was loving it.
The party was for Christmas. I saw her as soon as she entered. The room seemed to light up with her presence. Tall, lithe,with long black hair flowing down her back, she was very striking. But it was her effervescent personality that had all the boys flocking towards her. For one of the dances, we were blindfolded by the girls, and had to choose our partners by touch. By some strange miracle, I tagged her. We never looked back. From the beginning she drew out the best in me. I found myself making scintillating conversation, dancing as i hadn't ever before. She was my cousin's bestie, and we soon became inseparable. However, it was a long distance relationship. She came from across the border, from Canada, where she studied. I was still bound to the states and with her in my life, deeply committed to my studies, as i started thinking about a future with her.
The day I graduated, I gave my parents the news. I was going to look for a job in the states, and that i was going to marry her. Which news instantly brought my parents on a long overdue visit to the States. Of course mom was reluctant about giving her consent. "Isn't she too dominating ?' to which my dad scoffed, " Huh ! Pot calling the kettle black" and a sly, " I married you didn't I !" But she knew when to acknowledge defeat and gave in. It was my turn to go meet Minnie's dad. Before me, he had been 'the' man in her life, and I was nervous. When her parents saw how much we loved each other, nothing else mattered to them, and so we were engaged, to be married. We decided we would settle in Canada, if I couldn't get a job in the States, what with the recession having hit us hard, and jobs being hard to get.
Meanwhile we were separated again. There i was completing my masters, while she was working, both of us full of plans and in touch any which way we could, be it cells, emails, skype. My visas were expiring though and i had to return to India. We both dreaded the fast approaching deadline and tried to spend every holiday together before i left. I did return, eventually but with the promise of fast rejoining her.
The cacaphony of Indian shores, the return to the easy way of life was morbid enough. Some days the distance between us seemed overwhelming. Six months more, and she would be able to apply for citizenship. Then we could marry and I could migrate. The dates were fixed, i could hardly contain my happiness. Her mom was flying down to be with her, to spend some quality time with her daughter before the marriage.
The next weekend they were supposed to go to the Niagara falls. Before that, she was going to a sleepover at a friends place. I was going trekking with my friends, to Leh. For the next week we were going to be incommunicado. I returned exhausted. It was almost midnight, and so I tried to enter the home quietly. Strange that the lights were on. Mum was sitting on the sofa. Dad was pacing. "Sit down son. There's been an accident." Dad's voice sounded grim. Minnie's friend had taken a wrong turn. The suv coming from the right had hit the car head on. The passenger side, where she had been sitting, took the impact head on. As the legs beneath me gave way, my one thought was that I had to be with her, I had to see her. "You can't. Not just now. She's critical. Her mum stressed that you stay away. At least until things improve. She's unconscious, anyway. Her lungs are punctured, ribs broken, and she has multiple fractures, which may never heal. " The next few days went by in limbo. I now knew the meaning of 'living dead.' She was in that state physically, i mentally. I had a nervous breakdown, and was mercifully kept in sedation for the next few days. My pillar of strength was my mother. She looked after me as if i was a baby. She fed me with her own hands, slept on a cot in my room.
A week later i mustered the strength to call. Her mother, for some reason, disconnected the line. Strangely, that kept happening, until i was ready to explode. Now i was determined to fly out. "No." They don't want you there." Mum kept reiterating. Disbelievingly, i shook my head, "Why on earth ? " Mother took my hand in hers. "She may not walk again. Ever. She dosen't want to see you. Her parents believe that seeing you would only add to her trauma. For her sake, don't go there." Tortured, broken, i somehow lived thru the next few months.
I heard that she was in rehabilitation. I told myself that she probably hated me by now. How could i ever face her again ? What kind of a coward was I ? In my mind's eye, I saw her, sitting on a wheel chair, not wanting to face me. But I knew i'd do the same had i been in her place. Agonised, tortured, I stayed away, though I yearned to be with her.
Six months flew by in a haze of pain. It was then that i met my cousin, Minnie's best friend. I met her at a friends' place. As i hurried to greet her, she turned away, almost in disgust. "How's Minnie, tell me! You have to tell me !" I demanded of her. "She turned to face me then, thru clenched lips she retorted, " You ! You B......! How dare you ask me that. After what you did to her, how can you stand there and take her name, even. " Over the next few days, I pleaded with her to explain. She told me the facts. Mum had called her parents, after the accident, telling them that it would be best if I didn't see her. That I was in shock, too and had had a nervous breakdown. She told them that since marriage for Minnie was an impossibility now, there was no point in her having an emotional breakdown, which was possible if she saw me. She told them that she was breaking the engagement on my behalf. I tried to call her, but it was too late. Her mum wouldn't pick up the phone. I couldn't find the courage, within me to go face her. Rani was a childhood friend, recently orphaned. She needed me and I needed sanity in my tortured existence.She was kind enough to marry me, though she knew about the tragedy of my former relationship. She made me make peace with my mom. But I never forgave her for all that both Minnie and I suffered.
Three years had gone by. I heard that she had overcome her disability with aggressive rehabilitation. Aqua therapy had wrought a miracle. She was able to walk. Supporting her like a rock, was her mom and an old friend in Canada. Someone who had always loved her, and was now marrying her.
I slunk back to the lap top. There she was, bedecked in bridal attire. She looked at me, serene, happy, deeply in love, from the photo. The title of the photo ? 'For better and for worse.' She deserved him, he deserved her. From the deep sadness within me, the tortured recesses of my mind there arose a spark of happiness for her. At least one of us was at peace.
And i can say as well, I'm sure you'd understand..At least one of us is at peace..
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